Kata orang kalau mau punya suami yg sesuai, di list aja kriteria nya kayak apa.

so here I am, trying to write down what kind of man I want to spend the rest of my life with hahha

1. Muslim (kadang hal ini suka kelewat kalao doa, padahal paling penting hahah)

2. Udah mapan (Udh punya kerjaan tetap, kendaraan sendiri, rumah nilai plus aja sih, kalau nanti mau patungan sama aku jga gk masalah)

3. At least lulus S1 dan cumlaude, atau dia S2 gk cumlaude gpp (jurusan apa aja)

4. Sayang sama keluarga, dia harus sayang sama mama nya tapi bukan anak mami yaaa

5. Suka traveling, since aku anak nya traveling banget kalau dapet suami yg mageran kan gk lucu yaaa, jadi aku berharap punya cowok yang at least suka traveling jga walau gk sering.

Terus apa lagi yaa, tbh i dont have any special criteria to find a man, as long as aku cocok sama dia, dia cocok sama aku, mari kita gas kan (?) hahahah

let me think again

6. Harus nepatin janji, red flag banget sama cowok yang udh ada janji ketemu terus tiba tiba bilang gk bisa. asdfghjkl

7. Tinggi minimal 175 cm

8. Putih atau atleast bersih

9. Pake kacamata nilai plus hahahha (Gk tau selalu suka cowok berkacamata)

Apa lagi?? hahah

 

So, lately gue lagi susah tidur due to a lot of problem in my life......

terus ya karena lagi ngefans sama gusti bhre, gue mulai suka dengan kebudayaan jawa salah satunya lagu lagu gamelan.

Terus nemu playlist ini di spotify, dan enak banget ya ampun hahaha

aku tertidur lelap karena nada-nada nya.

Terharu deh hahha

Tips for those of you who can't sleep, listen to gamelan jawa can be solutions hihihi

Cheers.

Kalau berkaca dengan hubungan lalu yang udh lama kandas,

ada beberapa hal yang mungkin harus kita sadari, yaitu hal-hal yang memang harus ditinggalkan dan hal-hal yang harus dibawa, coba kita elaborasi yaa hal-hal tersebut.

Hal yang ditinggalkan:

• Belum bisa set boundaries

• Not too attached before there's a clear status

Hal yang dibawa:

• Belajar jadi pendengar yang baik

Hmm apa lagi ya, mungkin dari reader ada yang mau di tambahin?

 2 Maret 2023,

Pagi ini bangun tidur I remember him, kebawa mimpi juga.

Mimpi dia chat dan ngasih tau dia akan nikah.

Sedih bgt bgt, saat di mimpi nerima chat dia. Gue langsung marah marah.

"Bisa bisanya act like nothing happen, terus skrg ngasih invitation wedding. Kamu tuh jahat bgt bgt bgt, selama ini ternyata deket sama cewek tapi gk bilang" dan another marah marah lain nya.

Karena pas tau kalau ternyata dia mau tunangan, I'm the one who act nothing, harus nya aku luapin emosi aja yaa, I process. bukan nya malah shutting down.

Dan you know what suprised me the most.

bahkan di mimpi ku aja di akhir chat aku bilang sama dia "it's okay, we simply dont work out. Maybe in different circumstances we can be together, another universe maybe?" hahah Im smiling sekaligus sambil menitihkan air mata ya writing this. 

Ternyata ikhlas tuh sulit banget yaa, padahal udh gk pernah lagi kontak atau ketemu orangnya. But it's funny how distance is not match for the memory.

I wish all the happiness for your wedding, sincerely.

And doakan aku juga cepet ketemu jodoh ku.

Amiin.

I would like to write about how the cold, crisp, grey Tangerang morning makes me feel safe. In all its mists and haze, the city seems to be more forgiving of my scattered pieces and unruly thoughts.

 

In the soft wind that bustling intensely through the leaves, the array of contradictions that made up most of who I am feels understood and not alone. With the birds chirping in the lacklustre sunlight, it is as if the universe nudges me to carry on with living even when the tell-tale signs are telling me to un-live the day, the week, the hours that feel like years.

 

Where time stands still is where I feel most alive even though that’s the furthest thing from all I wanted to be.

Terakhir gue pernah post beberapa bulan lalu, gue mau banget tahun ini naik jabatan. Awalnya expect di senior aja, tapi ternyata allah kasih opportunity lebih baik gue naik dengan jabatan manager.

Wow gak tuh, tapi.. disatu sisi ngerasa pressure nya jadi gede bgt, bener - bener ngerasa dua kali lipat dari sebelumnya. 

Not trying to brag but I used to be a top performer at my previous company. 

Gue gk suka menunda pekerjaan gue, dan gue jga selalu fokus sama target, but this time jadi lebih gk percaya diri. Mungkin karena denger berita banyak banget orang - orang yg di lay off dan gue pun ada possibility tersebut, apalagi Im working di startup company. dan lagi, gue pun masih dalam proses probation.

Kebayang gk sih sestress apa gue skrg, ini udh mulai muncul jerawat di muka dan badan jga udh mulai gatel gatel. Mungkin pertanda stress juga.

I just want to pray to god that he will bless me and make ease my way. 

Only to god I hope. 

Sekarang sih Im trying to do my job as best as I can, meskipun gue akuin this time is quite harder than before plus several factor from external pressure. Duh rasanya kepala mau pecah hahaha. 

Help god~

I always loved writing, until I don’t. The words no longer make sense, and the meanings they hold are flat and dead to me. I don’t know what changed, but I guess it is about time, for nothing last forever and neither is my ability to put my thoughts into order, apparently.

As my fingers jump around these colourful pads, I can’t help but notice the grammar mistakes I’ve made and the inappropriately placed dictions. Writing – or typing – and putting my musing into memos should, used to pause my wars, putting the troopers into sleep. Not anymore.

Writing has become the enemy; I see words and I hear mocking. Alliteration is abominable to said writing. Using simile and metaphors sound platitudinous, and nothing is good enough.

And so I’m done. I’m sorry if my writing’s too authoritative, too stiff, too vague. I’m sorry that my writing is most probably full of grammatical errors, not concrete enough, not specific enough. Most of all, I’m sorry that in a very near future I might no longer feel sorry anymore. For these rules that bound me, they’ll no longer have me as a hostage. Soon, I’ll be able to hopefully pour these thoughts of mine, filling the space with locutions, where they belong. Where they can no longer haunt me at night, where they might shed some light and rise the sun up.

Here, I introduce "A man called ove"

Sorry ya guys kalo kadang bahasa inggris kadang bahasa indonesia wkwkwk

Jadi, kemarin pas jalan-jalan ke gramedia Im thinking to buy a book yang kayak tentang hidup gitu, yang memang alurnya lambat nya gk terlalu banyak intrig, dan iseng aja baca sinopsis novel ini langsung jatuh cinta, sinopsis nya begini:

Sebelum terlibat lebih jauh dengannya, biar kuberi tahu. Lelaki bernama Ove ini mungkin bukan tipemu.

Ove bukan tipe lelaki yang menuliskan puisi atau lagu cinta saat kencan pertama. Dia juga bukan tetangga yang akan menyambutmu di depan pagar sambil tersenyum hangat. Dia lelaki antisosial dan tidak mudah percaya kepada siapa pun.

Seumur hidup, yang dipercayainya hanya Sonja yang cantik, mencintai buku-buku, dan menyukai kejujuran Ove. Orang melihat Ove sebagai lelaki hitam-putih, sedangkan Sonja penuh warna.

Tak pernah ada yang menanyakan kehidupan Ove sebelum bertemu Sonja. Namun bila ada, dia akan menjawab bahwa dia tidak hidup. Sebab, di dunia ini yang bisa dicintainya hanya tiga hal: kebenaran, mobil Saab, dan Sonja.
Lalu … masih inginkah kau mengenal lelaki bernama Ove ini?

Dari covernya sih really got my attention, emang lagi cari buku yang bisa ngingetin apa sih yang dikejar didunia ini?

Kita toh gk akan tau sampai kapan kita hidup, bisa aja kita lagi sibuk ngejar sesuatu yang fana eh besok nya meninggal bahkan kita belum sempet enjoying the life that we lived. 

Kadang baca buku tipe gini tuh semacam kasih anchor ke diri sendiri untuk bilang "its okay", we can do it it again tomorrow.

Terus ngebuat mikir juga, if you stop and look around sebenernya kita udh punya semua. 

Bisa makan 3 kali sehari, bisa istirahat di bawah atap yang hangat, masih dikelilingi oleh orang orang yang sayang kita dll.

Dan buku ini recommend bgt buat kamu yang memang lagi feeling hurry in our life, coba berkaca di dalam buku nya dan pasti kamu akan ngerasa, oh iya yaa.. Im fine already. 

or if you are not now, then you will. Because, apa sih yang dikejar? hehehe

Hi there, so after a month the accident has passed, I still constantly thinking about him
and I realize it's not healthy anymore and I dont want this to take my time a lot.

So I decided to counsel to my psikolog again, she said that my feeling towards him still intense maybe because there's a thing unsaid left behind. Tbh, Im not easily express my emotion, I always feel like everyone doesn't have to know what I feel and it is what it is....
So My psikolog said I have to tell what I fell, but I said I dont want to contact him anymore and then she told me express my feeling doesn't necessary tell directly to him either, I can write what I feel or doing voice recording, pretend that Im talking to him.
So here I am.

I don't know what to say to you.
You makin me despairing, to the point I can't even do anything.
Why dont you tell me from beginning, that you already been with someone else since early this year.
I feel stupid and I never think that you kind be this mean, what I like about you because you always be you grumpy - focus on myself type - family person.
And know, I dont even know who you are.
And I know you must be know as well that I already know about your relationship, and you don't even contact me to apologize. This is to painful, and I thank for myself for get tru this.

And I was hoping how writing will become a medium that cleanses you out of me. True, there’s less of you and of regret, but now there’s more annoyance, disappointment towards myself, and a slight hint of anger – because I just want this to be over already. False, because my expectation of letting more things out equals to having less of you inside does not work as well as I’d have hoped. For though my heart has been hollowed out, life does not seem to run out of things that remind me of you.

So, aku udh cuti sakit dari kantor selama tiga hari hahah

sebenernya, gue anak nya jarang bgt sakit, sekali nya sakit begini bgt haha makanya aneh juga udh 3 hari bed rest tuh. Turns out Im having bronkitis + covid hahaha, life is so funny.

ada mikir juga sih, apa karena keadaan psikis yang down membuat keadaan fisik juga down tanpa kita sadara. ya, however.. after I recover from this ill, gue mulai lebih considerate lagi sama my body.

After this udh mulai daftar gym lagi (cause aging is so real), pengen kalau udh nikah nanti ttep badan nya sebagus tante ernie hehe

terus mau mulai puasa senin kamis, supaya sehat secara rohani dan jasmani juga

dan, kayak nya mau lebih explore lagi "the power of surrender", seems like give everything to god, trust the god plan and focus to what I can and I want to do, instead of giving much effort towards something that in the end doesn't really matter at all heheh

ps: since Im sick, tidak nafsu makan dan tidak bisa makan yang aneh aneh aka pedes, asin, manis or yang triggering batuk, aku turun berat badan dong hahaha dan kulit juga makin alus. selalu ada sisi positif dan negatif dalam setiap hal. 

tau aja akhir bulan ada kondangan di bandung✌