Archive for 2020

Firda, 24 tahun takut banget sama darah. Aku tuh bisa bener-bener lemes dan ngilu cuman karena thinking about blood. luckily, aku gk pernah sakit sampe masuk rumah sakit atau harus ambil darah. Cek golongan darah aja cuman sekali waktu SD hehehe.

Sebenernya dari dulu selalu pengen untuk donor darah, karena aku tau banget donor darah itu sangat bermanfaat baik untuk aku maupun orang lain. Manfaat nya banyak banget, salah satu nya:

1. Mengurangi Penyakit Jantung

2. Membakar Kalori

3. Mengurangi Resiko Kanker

4. Meningkatkan Produksi Darah

5. Pikiran Lebih Stabil

6. Bagian Dari Periksa Kesehatan

7. Menurunkan Kolestrol

see? banyak banget kan, belum lagi manfaat darah kita bagi pasien-pasien yang membutuhkan darah di rumah sakit. what is more amazing than helping human being?

so, I decided to give it a try hahaha

Senin, baru sampe di Bandung dari tangerang aku sholat dzuhur terlebih dahulu di kosan terus lanjut ke PMI Bandung, lumayan lama sih aku nunggu nya. Sedikit miris karena yg donor justru orang-orang yang sudah berumur, ini anak muda nya pada kemana? hehe padahal justru anak muda lah yang badan nya paling sehat-sehat.

Sedikit merasa bangga sama diri sendiri karena bisa overcome my fear dan jadi bagian untuk donor darah. Time after time, akhirnya aku di cek dulu tensi darah dan normal, aku gk darah tinggi atau rendah haha. Lanjut tes golongan darah dan Hb. Ternyata Hb ku consider as good terus lanjut deh masuk ke dalam ruangan donor.

pas udah duduk di kursi nya, baru deh berasa deg deg an nya. Untung aja itu aku pake masker :" aku kalau lagi takut banget pasti ketawa and i start thinking "why you doing this sih fir, you scare of the blood man, you crazy" hahahha rasanya mau turun dari kursi terus pergi hahaha, tapi masa aku nyerah di tengah jalan. that's not me banget.

abis itu suster nya mulai keluarin jarum DAN OMG, JARUMNYA GEDE BANGET BANGET rasa nya mau nangis saat itu juga :" tapi mencoba untuk menguatkan diri "you can fir, it just jarum, you can, you can" akhir nya ditusuklah jarum yang gede itu, dan sakit hahha.

You know what, kata dokternya pembuluh darah ku itu kecil, jadi susah masukin jarumnya. Telapak tangan ku mulai kesemutan jarumnya sampe diteken kedalem tangan aku 3 kali :" bayangin ngilu nya ya allah hahaha.

gak lama muncul bintik bintik merah di tangan aku sekitaran jarum, ternyata pembuluh darah nya pada pecah but that's okay. Alat nya juga bunyi terus kata dokternya karena pengambilan darah nya terhambat wow that's feeling I cant explained deh pokonya haha.

tapi akhirnya aku selesai hahaha sebenrnya dokternya bilang kalau ini pertama kali ada kemungkinan nanti pas berdiri pusing, ternyata aku gk ngerasain pusing atau sakit kepala :3 keren kan aku hahaha, terus lanjut ke ruang istirahat pasien, sumpah PMI Bandung keren banget aku kira aku cuman akan dikasih semacam susu kotak dan roti but here's the result :

keren yaa, lengkap banget hahaha dan bubur kacang ijo nya enak banget hahaha. Selesai aku ngemil ngemil dikit aku pulang deh ke kosan, istirahat bentar terus pergi makan ke KOBE Sudirman sama ully dan elza hahaha.

ps : jangan lupa banyakin minum abis donor darah karena pasti dehidrasi nanti, tenggorokan terasa kering.

aku bangga sama diri aku udah bisa take a step into something new, sesuatu yang aku takutin untuk aku lalukan tapi nyatanya aku baik baik aja hehehe.

so, will you guys do that too?

Jangan lupa ikutan donor darah yaa ^.^

"even if you feel like no one notices how deeply you care about things or how hurt you get sometimes, don't stop caring. Care as deeply as you can."

Regard, Firda.

I'm trying to deal with "how to be comfortable being alone", sebenernya disebelumnya aku gk pernah punya masalah to be alone, I enjoy my time. Aku suka travelling sendiri, DIY a simple thing tapi for the past a year kok I found myself difficult to be comfortable being alone. Im going to start over thinking, feeling hurt in my chest, stomaches dan itu sangat-sangat uncomfortable. I wanna cry, but there's no tears out.

Psikolog nya bilang itu cuman akibat, kita harus acknowledge the core nya. Dia nya bilang, aku tuh bagus karena bisa memiliki somekind of "self awaress" contoh nya kayak "aku tau hal ini gak baik buat kedepan nya" "ini mempengaruhi aku di sisi bla bla bla" and bla bla bla.

Kata dia, aku harus define my basic need ku tuh apa dan aku baru sadar kalau "secure" adalah need yang aku butuh kan. Setiap orang memiliki basic needs nya mereka masing-masing. Mungkin bagi beberapa orang basic need nya mereka bukan "secure" jadi relationship with no commitment mereka oke oke aja, sedangkan buat aku dengan no commitment itu membuat aku gk nyaman.

Anehnya, for past a year 2 cowok yang datang ke kehidupan aku itu gk ada yang mau komitmen, tapi kita berkomunikasi intens. Awalnya aku kira aku bisa fine-fine aja tentang hal ini, ternyata "Secure" itu berperan penting di kestabilan emosi aku, aku gk bisa control perasaan thinking that he will go out with other girl. Kenapa aku bisa overthinking? karena he is not mine, aku sadar aku gak punya hak apapun untuk wondering dia kemana, atau berharap dia untuk tell me dia lagi deket sama siapa aja etc.

Sedangkan aku sadar banget, justru in my past relationship yang memiliki hubungan komitmen pasti aku justru gk punya perasaan jealousy karena aku tau he will take care of my heart. Akhir nya tanpa aku sadari, I push him, making him uncomfortable dan akhirnya dia memutuskan to leave me, mungkin dikiranya aku cewek yang meribetkan kali ya dan mereka start to ignore me, being rude and i feel unwanted.

Tapi balik lagi ke diri aku the more i know them, the more i will understand them why they did what they did. Then i will accept them for the way they are. I will forget their flaw and be understanding even when they hurt me dan akhirnya malah terkesan aku yang catching him terus-terusan, aku sadar banget hal ini pasti bikin dia risih. Aku cuman gk mau menyesal karena giving this relationship too easy, aku cuman mau do something yang bisa aku lakukan selama aku bisa untuk keep this going tapi ya namanya juga manusia, the more you catch them, the more they will run.

Its excruciating, on one hand aku sadar banget ini bikin dia gak nyaman dan aku juga feeling unwanted, tapi disisi lain aku juga takut menyesal melepaskan. Aku gak mau ada di posisi yang meninggalkan, karena aku pernah ada diposisi tersebut dan aku menyesal. so, as long as i can, im gonna love someone i love with every effort that i can until i can't give it again. jadi, gk akan ada penyesalan dalam diri aku.

aku ngomongin hal ini ke psikolog nya, dia bilang instead of thinking tentang orang yang akhirnya gk jadi sama aku, lebih shifting ke focus to "attribute in him self doesn't fulfil me" so if i want to make my relationship better, i have to find someone who can fulfil my basic need dan bisa accept my "high level of nurturing".

aku sebenernya gk merasa kalau punya karakter dengan high level of nurturing itu merugikan, aku bangga dengan diri aku sendiri bisa peduli dengan seseorang, bahkan ketika orang tersebut less deserved it, gk menghormati aku dll. Tpi aku tetap bisa toleransi meskipun dia melakukan hal yang menyakitkan sama aku akan tetap care. Aku cuman berdoa sama tuhan, semoga karakter aku ini dikasih ke orang yang tepat, ke orang yang membutuh kan rasa di taking care of, aku gk pernah expect anything in return, simply aku cuman pengen perhatian aku diterima.

"The best feeling in the world is knowing that you actually mean something to someone"

Regard, Firda.

Friday, 13 November 2020

Since I moved to my new dorm, they always cleaning my room every friday not sure what time they will come to my room but I supposed its around 10-1 pm, and I think it will kinda awkward if I still stay in my room while they are cleaning I decided to give a "me time" for me hahah

so, every friday Im gonna find a new coffee shop that I never try before and sit there hahaha.

this time I went to Starbucks, what so special about starbucks? hhahaha the menu exactly the same in all store around Indonesia haha, the special thing about this starbucks is because its place in Asia-Africa street in Bandung, the vibes and the building around there seems so old.. some people say you are not in Bandung yet if you never stop to walk around in this neighbourhood.

I've seen this place so many time, I intend someday to sit here and doing my assignment or wht so ever, but I dont know for one and half year Im in Bandung, I never had a change to go there hahaha.

so, Here I am ...

I barely go to starbucks, I prefer local coffee shop (not the same place too), I like to try new coffee house around.

Im not really familiar with the menu in Starbucks too, I often bought starbucks in the airport while waiting for my boarding.

but I have my favorite drink here, which is their signature chocolate.. I always order it in venti size, without cream and hot hahaha that's perfect for my day.

Anyway, I have final project on consumer behaviour to make some analysis of declining product. huft, so much to take...

beside, I cant' work if there's so much noise around me, but luckily today's place very quite and I love it. I think I got a lot of progress that day.

Here is the view in front of me hahah, Bandung that day so peaceful feels like I dont want to leave this place, I think it will more perfect if its raining hahaha.

After spend more than 3 hours in Starbucks, I decided to strolling this street for a while hahaha, walk down in memory lane. I love it, I used to go around this street and stop by to try some street food with my friend, but he is away right-now, I miss my friend on that day I think he is the perfect companion for me while in Bandung.

By the way, That's all from me.

here's today quotes
"By accepting who you are and what you’re experiencing, you don’t have to waste energy avoiding anything."

Love, Firda

Setelah ratusan purnama, akhirnya kesampaian juga liburan ke Purwokerto hahaha

pertama kali naik kereta ekonomi sampe 8 jam hahaha dari Bandung-Purwokerto, Im so proud of myself. sendiri pula perginya hahahaa.

Purwokerto itu stasiun terakhir, baru sampe jam 9.30 malem di purwokerto, and Im alone in gerbong nya dong hahahah keren yaaaa, cool abis hahahah tapi tetep pegel sih ternyata 8 jam kereta ekonomi, sendiri pula gk ada temen ngobrol. kecuali spotify yang nyala terus hahaha.

dan unfortunately, sakit kepala gue kambuh pas mau berangkat, dan gue gak bawa obat sama sekali. so you know I have to bear the pain during on the train.

sampe purwokerto langsung di jemput ebi, ke indomaret beli panadol hahaha. ke kosan mandi dan gofood hahaha uwuuu ~~~ akhirnya makan juga, meskipun itu udh tengah malem, tapi nikmat luar biasa. kita pesen ayam pak gembus pake sambel kacang mede dan sate kulit!! wah damage nya luar biasa mantap hahah

Paginya ebi ngajakin makan empal gentong, katanya sih salah satu terenak, dan kalau udah agak siang pasti dia udah abis, namun pas kemarin kesitu sepi sih gk rame banget, mungkin karena lagi corona juga kali yaa, terus gue pesen empal daging nya sama nasi sama es jeruk, sama kerupuk juga deh hahaha. enak sih empal nya, tapi gak enak enak bgt gtu loh hahaha. total makan berdua itu 42ribu? mahal gak sih untuk ukurang makanan di purwokerto? kalo compare nya ke Jogja ya jauh sih ya hahaha.

Terus kita cobain es duren, di depan gor satria, ini tuh terkenal banget katanya, tapi sekali lagi.. gak yang enak banget banget sih, gue tuh pecinta duren no.1 jadi gue udah sering banget coba es duren and to be honest es duren disini terlampau manis namun manis nya tuh kayak manis buatan gtu, curiga abis itu sakit tenggorokan hahhaa, tapi okelah, cocok di makan siang hari di purwokerto yang panas tapi tetep sepoi sepoi haha.

Lanjut naik mobil ke BATURADEN, baturaden itu tempat wisatanya Purwokerto, dia ada dibawah kaki gunung selamet tapi dari Purwokerto nya gak jauh ke Baturaden, paling sekitar 45 menit.

kalo udah menginjakan kaki dasa, harus banget coba mendoan kriuk nya.. ya ampun ini serius enak bgt bgt bgt :" kata nya sih paling enak dimakan kalo malem-malem gtu deh. oh iya, jangan lupa coba susu sapi murni nya mereka yaaa, masih ada rasa sapi-sapi nya loh (?) hahah

Ini masih di baturaden, tapi malam hari heheh <3 liat kota purwokerto dari atas. gue selalu suka liat kelap kelip lampu kota di malam hari dari ketinggian, kayak liat bintang aja gtu hahaa indah. a simple thing that can make me so happy.

Here's the HIGLIGHT, I AM FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOTO SOKORAJA, asli yaaaaa I've never in entire mylife coba soto seenak ini :" astagaaaa .. gue nulis nya aja sampe ngiler sangking mau coba lagi!!! this soto is too good to be true. ini soto campur pake ketupat/lontong terus ada kerupuk nya gtu kayak yang di gambar, duh suka banget gue!! this is my comfort food, dari rasa dan tekstur ini tuh kesukaan gue banget banget banget hahahhaa!! gila sedih juga ya kalo mau makan soto ini lagi kudu ke purwokerto, mana gak ada pesawat pula menuju situ, satu-satu nya ya cuman pake kereta dan itu melelahkan.

Ini my bestie, nama nya febri yang sekarang lagi sibuk koas nih hahah <3 doain dia semoga cepet jadi dokter ya, dan cepet ketemu jodoh nya juga hahaha *sayajugaplease*

Okay then, sebenernya banyak banget sih yang di lakuin selama kurang lebih 5 harian di Purwokerto, namun karena post ini di tulis nya lama banget dan setengah setengah hahaha gue udah lupa itinerary nya gimana aja. yang jelas I have a wonderful time during my holiday in Purwokerto, eventho most of it about food hahaha *naikberatbadan* karena di Purwokerto gak terlalu banyak tempat yang bisa di kunjungi atau di liat.

tips, mungkin kalian bisa jalan-jalan juga ke dieng kalo dari Purwokerto, because it only take 2 hours by driving to get in there.

Love, Firda.

I decided to visit my friend Ebi, who studied in Unsoed Purwokerto on 13 august, today is 10 august.

then I bought a ticket from Bandung to Purwokerto trough train hahahaa, this will be my second time using a train hahaha and you know what this time Im using economy class XD because there's no other train anymore to go there from Bandung Im not even travel from stasiun Bandung but I will travel from Kiaracondong station, I've never been in that station before but yeah I think its same as the other station.

Before I go there I should take the rapid test first but it will take in Station Bandung then after that I can go to Kiaracondong station.

It will take 6-7 hours on the train to get to purwokerto (in economy class hahhaha) I dont know how it will feels like but yeah I think Im good at adapting myself (?) hahahhaa

I know its corona, Im not supposed to go to anywhere, (I never go to somewhere crowded or filled with so many people like supermarket). But I can help it if its about traveling ahha

beside, my college will start at the end of august so I think this week until next week will be my last chance of freedom hahaha

I always wants to visit my friend there since I never go to purwokerto before, eventho there's no much thing to do or to see there hahah but I still want to step my feet over there.

or we can go to Dieng from there, it only take 2-3 hours from purwokerto to Dieng plateu.

You know what, there is a stupidity story behind my ticket purchasing.

First, I bought the train ticket from traveloka, that time I just woke up from my sleep actually hahah not really in the 100% consciousness. After I paid I realize why it only take 1 hour to go there... then when I see it clearly, I bought a ticket to PURWAKARTA not PURWOKERTO. seeeee, how stupid am I... why should their name so similar tho. :"

and there is no option on traveloka to change my destination, its written that I should call the KAI call centre if I want to make a change.

bla bla bla finally I got my new-right-ticket.. eventho I should pay more for the charge for change the destination.

Love,

I was reading a book and came across this quote, “Everyone in the world should get a standing ovation at least once in their life because we all overcome the world.” So, here I am, deciding to give standing ovations to all the people and terrible circumstances these people try to overcome in order to keep living their life as best as they can, same as me.

Here’s to the times, when we said goodbye when all we really wanted was “please stay” and we had to give up on someone not because we wanted to but because they did.

Here’s to all the ‘forevers’ that changed to ‘nevers’ in the blink of an eye and all we could do is bite back our tears and smile and accept things as they turned out to be and hope for something better to come along.

Here’s to all the people that we miss so much that in our dreams there is only darkness and their voices, here’s to all the people that we think about but who don’t even appear in our dreams anymore, here’s to the ones who are just memories of memories now.

Here’s to you and to me and a million/billion others who get up every morning and hope that today it will get better even when the odds are always against us, to all of us who know what we deserve but never get it but we still hope that we will because we believe in something greater than fate: Ourselves. And that keeps us going.

Here’s to all those unending dark nights, to the days that passed in the blink of an eye, to the setbacks that knocked you off the knees today or years/months ago, to the times you got back up on your own, to all the tears you didn’t wipe away, to you who keeps searching for all the silver linings in grey clouds.

Here’s to all the times you doubted your choices, to all the times you were afraid of losing precious time of your life, to all the times you felt alive, to all those people that made you glad you were alive to witness that moment.

Here’s to all those moments you sat in exasperation and with hope totally lost, to those times when you needed inspiration that never came, to all those times nothing worked out quite like the way you prayed it will, to all those apologies you never said or got, to all the people that we lost because sometimes you have to lose things to know what they actually meant and to cherish it in your memories and look for something better.

Here’s to all the teachers and parents that never tried to understand you, to all the friends that never quite understood the concept of friendship, to all these people that made you believe that it was your entire fault and you were the “different” one. To you, who bent due to their crossed stares and words but never broke. Never broke. To you, who I’m telling to STRAIGHTEN the hell up now. Okay?

Here’s to all the love you gave and deserve but never got it in return but you didn’t let these people empty you, to all the forgiveness you gave but never got, to all the second chances that turned to shit because things might’ve been the same but those people changed and yo
blamed yourself (please don’t).

Here’s to the sufferings, here’s to the pain, which made you stronger and kinder. Here’s to all the people that are holding onto somebody’s who is already gone, who are leaning over the balcony and hoping they will fly, who wake up with tired sighs and eyes, who are surrounded by friends they no longer know, who sit in their worn-out chairs and wait for change to come and take them away from that place.

Here’s to all the adults who are still haunted by things their parents said to them in childhood, to the fights you blocked out with covering your ears, to all the people that give back more kindness to the world than it ever gave them in return.

Here’s to all the people that chose people/things over you, to them teaching you the lesson that you would never do that to someone else, to all those times you felt replaced and forgotten and unimportant and “not good enough” but you accepted it all because you think that that’s just how things are always with you and that’s the way it will be, to you who I’m telling this to you: It IS NOT like that with you. You don’t deserve to be replaced, forgotten, unimportant and not good enough.

To you, who is IRREPLACEABLE, UNFORGETTABLE, IMPORTANT AND GOOD ENOUGH. Yes, you are. Please don’t forget that or let somebody convince you that you aren’t. You deserve a standing ovation for being alive and for being you, however you are or how’ve you been, whatever you’ve done or never found the courage to do, for getting through whatever people did to you, for everything. Here’s to you, darling. I hope you know how awesome you are and how much more awesome you can be.

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